So I met this guy who told me this story and swears it's true...
He was working in a major Sydney hotel (name and job title I'll with hold) in the 90s and their guest was action movie star Jean Claude Van Damme*, who had been flown in for the launch of the local Planet Hollywood restaurant. After the launch came the 'after-party' and after that Van Damme retired to the Penthouse suite with two very hot smokin' babes.
In the wee small hours the story-teller was summoned to Van Damme's suite by the dimunative (that's code for 'short') action star himself. When he entered the room he found Van Damme prone on the floor, naked. He was jerking his still hard cock, even though there was cum all over his belly. Behind him on the kingsize bed, apparently passed out, were the two women, also naked. And dishevelled. There also appeared to be what looked like a lot of cocaine around the room.
Van Damme seemed agitated (high?) and was barking out orders at my story-teller. Actually it was the same order: he wanted more women, these women (on the bed) were useless, he wasn't finished yet, he was still hard/horny, and he wanted more women brought to him NOW! The guy never told me if he procurred more women for Van Damme but he did say that the whole time he was in that suite 'The Muscles From Brussels' never once stopped jacking his cock while talking to him - and that Van Damme seemed completely oblivious to what he was doing (vigourously).
* real name: Jean-Claude Camille Francois Van Varenberg
Monday
Apple Versus Absolutely Everyone: The Masterplan
Let's just say it: Nobody has changed the way we interact with technology like Apple has over the last 10 years. Steve Jobs is seen as the geek hero who turns top-end technology into friendly little gadgets even your grandma can use.
But recently, a faint chorus has been growing--thousands of tech geeks suggesting that if you look under Apple's shiny white veneer, you'll find some practices that are less than user friendly. In fact, some of the things Jobs and Apple are being accused of are so over the top, Lex Luthor would have to take off his hat ... and then use it to cover the dark stain spreading across the front of his pants.
You might be asking why any of this should matter to you. After all, most of Apple's dickery is aimed at a small, tech savvy minority. People who know how to hack their iPhones or program applications or work for a giant Apple subsidiary in China. Jobs has always known that the vast majority of people think technology is something to watch porn on. Lucky for him, he's fantastic at designing technology that those people intuitively understand how to use. Unlucky for the non-savvy majority, there are increasing signs that we're the eventual target of Apple's master plan.
If you're one of the tens of millions of people who have iTunes installed on their Windows machines, you might want to open up a search and see if Apple's "Safari" web browser has made its way onto your computer. No, you didn't download that on purpose and then forget about it. In March of 2008, Apple stuck a copy of Safari into a routine update for iTunes. They set the 22.65 MB file as part of the default download. Users who just skimmed over the update notice without reading it (IE: nearly everyone) soon found themselves with unwanted software.
Whether you want it or not.
Response from the media and major figures in the tech industry was immediate and powerfully negative. The CEO of Mozilla even wrote a big blog entry blasting Apple. As he saw it, this move of Apple's wasn't just annoying, it posed a risk to the security of the whole Internet.
In July of 2008, another iTunes update went out with a hidden program clinging to it like poop to a hairy ass. This time, the backlash was even more severe. Internet watchdog group Stopbadware.org accused Apple of spreading Malware. Bloggers again raised their flabby arms in protest. Apple quickly rescinded the update..
This is what real heroes look like.
So they've obviously learned their lesson, right? Well, in October of 2009, a new application from Apple landed in the U.S. Patent Office. Apple's idea was to program devices to periodically interrupt users with unskippable ads. The ads would temporarily halt performance of the device in order to "compel attention." That on its own is pretty nightmarish but, innovators that they are, Apple found a way to crank it up to that hard-to-reach "Lovecraftian" level.
Their words:
"Apple can further determine whether a user pays attention to the advertisement. The determination can include performing, while the advertisement is presented, an operation that urges the user to respond; and detecting whether the user responds to the performed operation. If the response is inappropriate or nonexistent, the system will go into lock down mode in some form or other until the user complies. In the case of an iPod, the sound could be disconnected rendering it useless until compliance is met. For the iPhone, no calls will be able to be made or received."
Ho-lee shit.
And this isn't just some crazy, pie-in-the-sky idea some engineer at Apple had and decided to get patented. Steve fucking Jobs had his name attached to the application. Is this where the man who holds the reins to the entire Apple Corporation sees his product line going? A future where cheap, malware and prime-time TV-ad-riddled devices flood the market?
Unfortunately, most of us won't know until our porn is being interrupted by an ad for FreeCreditReport.com.
NB: The above post has been LIFTED ENTIRELY from
By Robert Evans
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